In conversation do we sometimes pay more attention to what words mean than how they mean? In any conversation if each party could be guaranteed clarity and honesty (and by honesty I don’t really mean a lack of deception - more like how courtesies and politeness can cloud the intended message or mask a tension) then most things would run more smoothly. Could it be that the difference in disconnected conversation - those seemingly unsatisfying at conclusion - lays between what is ‘At’ the surface and what is ‘In’ side and how it relates to the ‘tention’ at hand? There is a need to go beyond the surface and pay attention to the intention.

Most talk is ubiquitous and filters into the air around us. However some of it doesn’t. The reasons for disconnect in talk are many (way many) but can fall in two great big categories; I don’t want to/know how to say this, and I don’t want to/know how to hear this.

It’s not that paying attention to the words spoken or, as the speaker, the impact these particular words may have is not important, it is. We just may or may not be equipped to deal with it. More often than not the person expressing is not aware of how the intention may be defined.

Remember that, as a sender, we hear ourselves speak but cannot hear the other person hear.

Here’s the point. Words are a tool. If you are the earth understand what a shovel means to you. A lobster; boiling water. If you are a daffodil understand the sun and rain (and the annual American Cancer Society fundraiser).

So now you know that being a daffodil is more complex than being the earth. Speaking and hearing; talking and listening - even more so . . .

Jim
http://www.linkedin.com/in/jimreece
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As with most traditions I have no idea where this one came from. Except that I was present and complicit. How the hell does that happen?

For me forever the holiday has extended well into January perhaps out of comfort (there is nothing quite like sitting the evening away wine in hand under the glow of twinkling lights) or perhaps it had something to do with the Epiphany. Whatever that is. But extend it did. And I was fine with that; a certain comfort/peace.

But somehow creepingly over the past several years there has been this internal campaign to shorten the joy (NOT the intent but the result nonetheless) and to, in other words, get on with it. Truly I never got it. I thought it a matter of attention span, or to mitigate the sometime sadness that can be remembered around the holidays.

I have an extraordinary Aunt - my mother’s sister/only who died several years ago. One of the great memories of this theatrical soul (among many great memories) happened at their home in New England following the burial of my grandmother - her mother; my mother’s mother. Amidst the joy of celebrating a life of a century-minus-one-day there was the sadness of missing one who had done so rather magnificently. Wait. There really was not a tearful sadness (the daughters had already) but a longing for the spirit of what made her life. Where was that in us? And I guess along with this the realization that we will, to a person, be the subject of funeral conversation ourselves one day. Personally I will not miss the certainly embarrassing (to me) banter thrown about at my own. But I certainly wish those willing to give up a days pay to attend the very best.

At any rate Carol was theatre! And the spirit she brought to the close of our meal that evening was life confirming if not altering. Not altering in the “Oh my god I have never felt that” or whatever. More confirming in the sense that it made sense. And in a way not imagined before. We have all had the experience at one time where we said (to our Self), “Gosh, I knew that, but never in that way”.

I have had a thousand meals and cleared as many tables. And while sometimes accompanied by friends, or a kid, or wife (we do the I cook you clean deal - very fair) or a cat or sometimes alone it is a fairly unimaginative mechanic - something not thought about even though the surroundings vibe pleasant. Not with Carol. And here’s the power.

At the end of the meal (and remember that she and Bobbie had just buried their mother (or perhaps because of it) while most relaxed in the post meal fog of conversation Carol rises and lungs out a hearty, “Strike the table”! How perfect. In the theatre of life why not call out production assignments to get us on the road?

Because at the end of life (or the day) we have done all that we can do. We did it well and those who saw agreed. The performance is finished yet our script’s intact for tomorrow’s interpretation. We shall start anew tomorrow. Strike the set. Strike the table. Strike the holiday.

Enjoy what you have done today. Tomorrow brings another show. Another audience. Another chance. And perhaps a deeper interpretation of the script. Characters grow.

Toni was right. Christmas lights and the everything accompanying needs to be struck on the first day following the last day they were relevant. Christmas (and all of the religiously non - but otherwise - related) is yesterday’s show in Dubuque. I laughed I cried. Great performance - but it was yesterday. Not to mention Dubuque. Welcome to today. And to your own town.

I have come to not only accept but embrace with all my being my lesson from Toni. That it is our knowledge and lessons learned which should LEAD us into the new. Not our sluggishness to release yesterday’s performance and the comfort of our “shtick” (read mind map). It is indeed time to strike and to get on with today. Be in today with the knowledge of yesterday and the anticipation of tomorrow. It is the presence of this trinity that makes today the only real day. Be in it.

Strike the old. Strike the mold. Strike the status quo. Or for at least gods sake strike the immobility.

Strike the (08) holiday (with a nod to 09). Fa la la la la la la la la later . . .

Jim
http://www.linkedin.com/in/jimreece
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While it has been said (I’m sure by someone somewhere) that this Thursday is just another day, very few of us can mentally escape its significance and the opportunity to reflect. What can become better? What can be forgotten? What can be forgotten better?

I have mentioned that Change’s biggest gift may be in the re-thinking it causes. Just as imposed change brings re-thinking, re-thinking can bring change. We just reverse order.

So go re-think something. Make the world a better place; even if it’s just in your head and only for a moment. You see, there are Moments that become real big real quick and you never know which one it will be or when it will be there. You can improve your chances of ‘real big real quick’ logarithmically by giving yourself moments.

It IS hard in the hustle bustle of each of the other 51 Thursdays. So there is a pleasant convenience in a holiday being centered around Moment creation. Sort of forced upon us like a door held opened for you on a rainy windy day while you hurry towards it unaware. You don’t stop to converse about why he’s holding it or any other trivial pursuit. You don’t analyze it. You just walk through with a ‘thanks’. Happy for the convenience provided. New Years is convenience provided.

Here’s to meaningful moments, some Happy in the New Year.

Jim
http://www.linkedin.com/in/jimreece

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I had the opportunity to be reminded of certain important life things the other night. By an eight year old. Jason. My wife along with a dear friend (the boy’s mother - in the midst of a nasty divorce) went to gather another dear friend off the bus from New York; a friend who is most likely headed to federal prison for some sort of embezzlement scheme (”love the sinner hate the sin”). At any rate you’ll hear no more blog related to the story of those three; ’cause that ain’t blog stuff - that’s my book!

Back to the other night. It was my pleasure to provide the adult supervision required (babysitting does not seem an appropriate term for a person Jason’s age). Jason is bright and engaging as you might expect of an active boy his age. It is made a little more noteworthy though as Jason has recovered completely and remarkably from a life threatening brain tumor as a toddler. (I don’t offer this in a ply for sympathy - only a little note to keep in your pocket to retrieve when you think you are having a bad day.

There was some anticipation for my arrival as I had purchased a little gingerbread house kit that we could build together. The idea of me building something carries a bit of anticipation made all the more uncertain if you have ever seen one of my domestic maintenance projects. But build we did.
Neither one of us had built one of these before and we honestly had quite the time doing it. (I would highly recommend the one with “over one half pound of Willy Wonka candy!” The boxes promotional hype did not disappoint).

Now of course being eight one cannot just sit and chat while waiting the ten minutes for sugar cement to dry so off to the garage for a quick lesson on street hockey and the strategies behind three hockey sticks all of different size. It mattered less that none of the strategies really seemed to make any sense - to me - than the clarity in which they were offered. And the great caring he had for them.
Time to get back to the Gingerbread house and a bit more construction. Then off to his room for a quick demonstration of Detroit hockey prowess on PlayStation. Really good. I am old and do this day cannot fathom how one gets their fingers going so fast in such a coordinated way. A blur. Like a bad plasma screen.

So back and forth we went working on the house, playing hockey, eating candy, licking icing (really disgusting after awhile), playing hockey, building the house. Trying desperately - and successfully - to get EVERYTHING in to the allotted 2 and 1/2 hours before bed. We even got the tree un-netted. Truly a testament to his drive and focus.

And during the entire time - and I mean the entire time - he was into it. The new and the familiar. He was into it. Now I have always been a believer in the wisdom of children but there are things that I have - obviously - forgotten. And one of those things - a very important thing - is the passion for the familiar.

You are like me in that the new is easy fun. Give me a challenge! A new project! Or god forbid an idea should pop into my head! We’re going to visit someplace new? Holy S***! That gets the blood going. But the familiar? Passion infused routine? A bit oxymoronic. At least on the surface.
Remember when the now familiar was new? The ONLY difference is time. That was then this is now. She is the same person. He is the same man. Grown and different but the same. And those are the same kids. Friends. Hobby. Job. Church . . .

The point is that the things that are now - sometimes too - familiar were themselves once new. And there was that excitement and there was that wonder or passion or whatever it was that you experienced when you experienced it for the first time. Time to go visit. So right now take a deep breath. Now pick something familiar and the hot point of its original wonder. Exhale. Now a quick plan to recreate.

Me? I see a lovely candlelight dinner in a brand new 12 year old dining room with a new wife and 2 new kids. I couldn’t be more excited.

Jim
http://www.linkedin.com/in/jimreece
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Well here it is Friday and for all practical purposes the final day of the week to engage the agenda. Certainly things - some things - can be done behind the scenes and throughout the weekend. But for the majority of traditional business this is it. That is my intent.

But wait a minute. There was a little rain this morning on the way out of the gym which turned to a little bit of freezing something which then has turned to a light snow with a forecast (which looks like it might actually be accurate) of a lot more freezing and even icy roads getting worse throughout the day.

Agenda interruptus. An intent blockade!

Imposed change is among the most difficult to manage; and the difficulty increases by degree. My little Friday story is NOT the story of a GM worker with three kids. But it illustrates the point.

Does Change change intent? Does it change the agenda? Or does Change change the strategy; a different PATH to intent? My intent - my Friday agenda was to accomplish certain things. I will now find another way to get them done - see if I can switch a Monday thing with a Friday thing. Re prioritize. Rethink.

That may be Change’s biggest gift. A chance to rethink.

Jim

http://www.linkedin.com/in/jimreece 

December ending marks the traditional time of reflection and consideration; reflecting on the events of the past and considering a (hopefully) learned path to the new. Oh yes there are sins to be atoned and resolutions affirmed. But we are seldom really sorry and less often very resolved; and neither one’s important unless we engage it for today.

(Real) life is engaging. Your power to engage springs from a power to influence what is real; and today is the only day that’s real. One cannot just engage in the past or in the future as though it were real (unless you are under some very specialized care . . .).

So yes, reflect for just a moment and imagine better tomorrows. But remember that tomorrow does not ever come and yesterday will never come again. Today is here today. And the nice thing is – when you wake up tomorrow it will be today.

So be true to yourself and nice to someone else. It’s the holidays.

Seasons Greetings, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Day! (Every day for days and days to come)

Jim

http://www.linkedin.com/in/jimreece 

Sometimes a few words say so much. As we continue to search for ways to bring life to organizations it is helpful to remember these words,

“Man’s main task in life is to give birth to himself, to become what he potentially is.”

Erich Fromm, American philosopher 1900 –1980

http://www.linkedin.com/in/jimreece

Dreams come true when desire transforms them into action.

http://www.linkedin.com/in/jimreece

by Jim Reece

It has been said that some people seek thunderstorms while others seek rainbows.

Attitudes are an important concept that help people understand the world around them. They help to define how we perceive and think about others, as well as how we behave toward them. Many definitions exist that attempt to determine what exactly an attitude is. Attitude can be the direction in which we lean on ideas and issues. It is either failure reinforced or success reinforced. Another definition is “a feeling or emotion, especially with regard to a topic or person” (do you have an attitude towards tonight’s debate?). And yet another is a confrontational or deliberately challenging manner especially with those in authority. This is the one probably most recognizable in the workplace or socially.

Despite some findings that there is a possible genetic base for the formation of attitudes, most psychologists agree that attitudes are learned through exposure, conditioning, and socializing. Having parents with a positive attitude will generally mean that their children will have a similar, positive outlook (though you know if you are a parent that this can take YEARS to emerge). However, if attitudes are contagious, a negative one in the workplace will spread very quickly if not stopped in the early stages. This requires a little leadership and perhaps even a bit of courage — as we dislike confrontation even more than bad attitudes!

What is your accountability? First and foremost - your own behavior. So here are 2 simple rules: be courteous and listen to others. Don’t complain. If you are unhappy about a situation, then take action to put it right.

by Toni Reece

Performance - What does Good look like now and in the future?

The Performance element of the internationally-recognized PEOPLE model framework (one of the tools within the model) allows the Coach to begin to ask the “right” questions to inspire their client’s thinking.  Asking the question of “What does Good look like for you?” opens up the client’s thinking in a way that has impact and meaning.  The client will be inspired by the Coach to identify not just what “good” looks like now, but what do they see “good” looking like in the future.  It moves the client from the current goal-to-goal planning and moves them in the direction of their whole life vision where they can visualize that everything they are working on is impacting “what good looks like.”

As a Coach, it is important to stay out of the debate of “what good looks.”  Your job is to facilitate — not to manipulate — this concept.  This is called facilitation without judgment.

Inspiration under all of the elements of the model comes in the form of the questions.  By asking the right questions, you will be inspiring your client’s thinking. As you will soon realize, every element of the PEOPLE Model™ framework can relate to any issue your client may be facing, whether it is family, career, relationships, self discovery, financial, or wellness.  Examples of questions that you might ask under this element are:

How would you describe “what good looks like” for you?  Now or in the future?

Can you identify good?  What does it look like?  If you can’t, why not?

What does good look like for your career, now and in the future?

What does good look like for your family, your relationships, now and in the future?

Imagine the creative thinking and responses that a coach or business leader, team, or individual can work through by just asking the question - What does Good look like for you?