Many learning stories come from youth and the experiences of charging into the world head first sometimes feet first and sometimes flat on our back. It is knowledge that can only come from the collision of innocence and reality; the best knowledge made more dramatic perhaps by the larger proportion of innocence back then.

One bright high school summer day while driving early to work at Santa’s Village (oh yes I have been blessed) I saw a clown standing in the parking lot of some retail establishment waving to the early commuters. He was a real clown of the circus variety with big orange hair, big red nose with big red shoes to match waving with big animated motions. I was impressed. Here was a real clown on his day off picking up a second job promoting the opening of some window shop; got to like a guy who loves his work.

Fulfilling life’s calling, doing what you need to do to make ends meet, second jobs all could have been enough life-learning for one day but what came next meant more. I should disclose that I love clowns. They make me smile; even the tragic ones. I was never traumatized by them as an infant having no older brothers or drunken uncles to taunt me. I know that I am one of the lucky ones.

It’s early on a beautiful summer morning windows down radio up flying to work and I see a clown on my horizon. Life is good. I am approaching the clown and in the groove. This being the mid seventies I do what so many of us did at all things cool – flash the peace sign. Two fingers in a V recognition that all is well with the present; a happy high school kid sharing a moment of work related bliss with this puritan work ethic clown who I had come to admire deeply in those few brief seconds.

As I flew by I felt connected; the waving clown and the peace-out kid. I passed him in a flash and seeking confirmation of my spontaneous humanity I checked the review mirror. What I saw freaked me out. Standing in the middle of the highway was my clown jumping wildly up and down throwing me the finger; actually two of them. I mean this clown was jumping up and down waving his arms from side to side back and forth in highly exaggerated ways – even for a clown. He was mouthing something too. Couldn’t hear but I could guess. I just stared at my rear view mirror as the jumping finger thrusting clown zoomed out to a little dot on the historical horizon.

My instant reaction was confusion mixed with a heavy dose of horrified. And then it dawned on me. As I was barreling down the highway approaching my clown to the left I flashed the peace sign with my left hand. What he saw was the back of my hand with two fingers raised from an angle that apparently let my middle digit extend a bit beyond the fore letting him know he should go do something unnatural with a balloon poodle; which of course was the farthest thing from my mind. But that’s the point.

I had my intention and no time to think about how it would be received if my intention delivery was flawed. Had I used my right hand it would be a wonderful clown day my hand showing flat against the widow with no angle issues impacting perceived meaning; perhaps.

I think about this a lot. Not a lot a lot but more than many other experiences. I wonder how the rest of his day went and whether it carried over to others. Did he stop waving or with less enthusiasm. Did it take a little piece of him away? Or did he have issues which triggered. I mean jesus I would feel terrible if this was the thing that threw his life over the edge. Maybe he wasn’t the happy clown I imagined but rather an unemployed plumber let go for his drinking broke in debt unhappy with his cheating wife and tired of visiting his oldest son in jail. These are the guys that burn down motel rooms with any family members they can round up that day. Or maybe he was just an ass. Andy the Ass Clown.

I learned a great deal in that moment about any number things not the least of which is that if you ever piss off a clown just keep driving. Do NOT look back just keep driving. Past your original destination if needed.

I also learned the unintended impact of actions regardless of their intent. I do think of the residual effect I might impart when trying to communicate, but certainly not enough. Much of dialogue is transactional – I tell you something of little consequence and you reply likewise; it’s the score, the news, the grade, the car. Sometimes it is more and it’s then that we need care. It is a habit hard to break and even more so when there is some disconnect between our own interpretation and theirs.

No, we really can’t plan for it all. But we can more than we do.

Jim

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Have you seen that commercial where the kitten walks out soaked from inside the family’s Thanksgiving turkey? It was disturbing to me although not in ways obvious at first. If you haven’t seen the commercial it opens with the quintessential family seated for Thanksgiving feast; mother, dad, two kids and grandma. While the conversation centers on mom’s attempt at grandma’s famous stuffing the shot cuts to turkey shining brightly in the center of the table.

Well then! All of a sudden its sides start to move like it’s almost breathing! Such crazy intrigue from these crazy advertising types! No one seems to notice this save for the little girl who watches open-eyed as a tiny little kitten pet (I’m guessing it’s theirs) walks out from the bird’s cavity soaking wet presumably as testament to how good retread grandma’s filling really is. Though how a tiny little two pound pet ate six pounds of 160 degree stuffing is beyond me. This cat is not dead!

Then the little girl says something like, “That’s nasty” which of course it is NOT because the little kitty, alive, just walked out of a 160 degree turkey. That’s COOL! Now if the family had cut into the turkey only THEN to find the little kitten, well THAT would be nasty. So, after the girl utters her emotionless line, no one else says or motions or moves or nothing. Nothing; nobody says nothing! Then they look in the phone book for pizza to make an advertising point or something advertising clever. And who even uses a phone book anymore?

The point is, and this is why quintessential. They did absolutely nothing. Here they were faced with something, (if not horrific then perhaps unsettling or at the very least the kind of unusual that might spark a little water cooler conversation), that deserves a LITTLE emotion or a holy shit or pass me the gravy. Something! Give me something America. But sat there they did. Maybe they were waiting for the YouTube video . . . to comment upon . . . and share . . . and laugh . . . or otherwise emote.

In the old days if kitty eats turkey - kitty gone. AND the child whose responsibility it was to feed the kitten that day - he gone too. But life was simpler then; the advertising better . . .

Maybe we are too overwhelmed with the tragedy of the day, huge, seemingly insurmountable, issues which are presented to us through conflicting lies so that we may better “understand” (and when the lies become conflicting it may truly be time to shut it down). The systems themselves we do not trust and the system owners we trust less. We tune out helpless. We blame this seasonal apnea on the turkey but it is really much more than that.

My wonder is with the osmosis at a closer level; the effect on family friends community and work. Of course I see caring and sometimes a great deal. But I also see the uncaring and sometimes a great deal. ‘News’ is principally to blame for the ‘great deal’ and the world will be better when it is gone having been replaced by content washed through a magical filter squeezing out the slanted conspired lobbied bullshit then injected with truth, enlightenment and occasional wonder. (This machine represents a great business opportunity so if you know someone who’s good with tools and currently out of work . . .)

The world is filled with people trying to (and in some cases actually) making a difference. So perhaps there is hope on the macro level. I do believe in the all mighty power of the un-mighty and the indomitable spirit of the human. But doesn’t it seem more and more that there are a lot of stupid people running around; something is rubbing off and we need to act. There are opportunities to coach that caring back but we must be aware and we must be willing.

It takes no great effort to open a door for someone (even not older than you!). It is considered good manners to politely correct someone who is uttering total bullshit particularly if it is incessant uttering. And if you cannot politely tell them, well, then just turn off the teevee. Share your lunch with a coworker or better yet with someone who use to be a coworker. They may need it and the company more than you can imagine. Read stories to a kindergarten class. Take an elderly to their parked but hidden car in yours when you see they can’t. (And don’t even think of doing that when you see me wandering around the local grocer’s lot because I am not elderly, yet, and I have NOT forgotten where my car is I just like looking around sometimes – you know just to see what’s new . . . you know to . . . what was I talking about?). Oh there it is.

Coaching is about listening; to others AND yourself. So let’s all pay attention just a little bit more inside and out. Remember that it’s a season of Thanks as well as Giving. Try a little of each with those you know and those you don’t.

As you gather around the family table remember the spirit of the season and that while it IS considered polite to correct the utterance of bullshit, when it comes incessantly from your drunken brother- in-law it is probably best to follow the wisdom of the quintessential-ad-family; keep your mouth shut, do NOT look at one another, show no emotion and have another glass yourself because while that never leads to trouble it does make drying the cat more fun.

Jim

http://www.linkedin.com/in/jimreece