I was teaching my youngest daughter Stephanie (please call me Steph - old habits die hard) how to drive stick-shift. She decided she wanted to learn and she went out, with my guidance, and bought a car with a manual transmission. Nice car, 2000 Hyundai Elantra with fairly low miles.

I am also teaching my 16 year old how to drive. So I guess I can put this on my resume, driving instructor. Patient driving instructor with nerves of steel. I’ve taught all four of my kids how to drive and two of them I also taught clutch usage. I must be a glutton for punishment.

But my youngest daughter is different. Her eyes start leaking at the slightest frustration or pressure. I say she’s frustrated, she prefers the term flustered. Either way, it is tough teaching her. Once the tears start rolling, the lesson is over. She can’t listen anymore and has blurry vision. Not a good combination when you are out in traffic.

She does well unless she starts to think about what she is doing. That’s when it all falls apart and it is like dominoes. Once the first tear forms, the foot/hand coordination flies out the window. (I should probably shut the window.)

So what lessons have I learned over the process?

Everyone learns differently. You have to feel your way when you are teaching anyone anything. It’s not one size fits all.

Gaining new skills works best when you are in a familiar environment. - Steph drives pretty well in parking lots at this point, but over the road just brings too much pressure.

Some people need a different teacher.

This last one is tough for me to take. I have lots of patience and am a good communicator (which mostly means being a good listener). I have lots of success in the past with teaching old dogs new tricks, so failure is not something I am familiar with - and it’s not something I want to get comfortable with. But I also can step back and say, you know, I’ve taught you the basics, maybe someone else can polish up the act.

If you ever learn karate or any of the martial arts, or ever watch classes, you see this principle in action. The green and brown belts usually teach the white belts and the black belts teach the more advanced classes. This structure could be useful in life. We all need different instructors, coaches and mentors as we progress or for different skills.

Teach what you know and be honest and admit when you need help or you need to pass on the student. My two cents for today.

Whether or not managers want to face it, poor management is one of the most often quoted reasons for people leaving their employers. The reason behind that? Lack of skill dealing with people.

In this time of unemployment and recession that may be even more exacerbated. Some managers feel that the people who are working for them should feel lucky to have a job and that that situation entitles them to treat people more harshly. Guess what? Even in this time valued employees are still not easy to come by. Each and every one still deserves to be treated with respect and dignity. Given enough ammunition at exit interviews a manager may find themselves the ones looking in from the outside.

A “good manager” is a role model and gives people inspiration, not persperation.

A successful manager will achieve quality results through the team they manage and will help the individuals on that team develop. This can be through education and training, or it can be through personal interaction that makes the person feel appreciated. Appreciation, as I have already discussed is all about respect - respect for the individual, the work that they do and the effort they expand.

If you ask most people about coaching, generally the first thing that comes to mind is sports. And that’s certainly valid. A second thing that comes to mind is the new lexicon of personal and business coaches that seem to grow as time goes on.  Some of those have staying power, others seem to move on. But what most people don’t actively think about is that managers and supervisors are all coaches as well.

The difference is that they are usually untrained to some extent, and that can be remedied  with the Organizational Development Edition at the PEOPLE Academy, Inc.

My favorite tool is the personal development bulletins and the one on coaching is no exception. A section on that particular bulletin goes into detail on coaching using The PEOPLE model™.

The PEOPLE model™ consists of:

P – Performance Identifying what good looks like (Both current and future)
E – Efficacy The power to produce the desired effect (Skills / Knowledge / Attitudes / Beliefs and their application)
O – Ownership Taking personal control (Accountability / Responsibility / Responsiveness)
P – Possibilities What’s possible? (Creativity / Possibilities / Continuous improvement)
L – Linkage Linking everything to the bigger picture (Aligning goals & Objectives / Needs / Wants / Motivation / Happiness)
E – Evidence Seeking evidence in order to validate (Knowing when it is worth it)

For more information on the PEOPLE model™ and its coaching systems look at our website

Years ago when I worked in the steel industry we would get a flyer annually on the in-house education process. This included workshops and training sessions designed to enhance our performance at work, but this also included health, fitness and specialized classes for general information and skill building. I remember taking MS Office, aerobics, general fitness, animal tracking and web surfing, but there were pages of offerings designed for personal and professional growth. The company used to have a path designed for you, but now, you need to plot your own way and try to stay on track.

These days it is almost unheard of for a company to offer any classes that don’t directly improve job performance, so this is in our own hands. I really got a lot of of one of the bulletins on the PEOPLE Academy, Inc website that talked about self-development. It gave eight areas to concentrate on to improve your standing in the eyes of those around you, and also general how-to self-improvement exercises. I wanted to talk a bit about a couple of those.

First, think success. You know that you are an asset to the company, but have you really dug down and listed all of the ways you contribute to it? This exercise really made me sit up and think, wow, I have been through a lot of training and have contributed on many projects. My list included going through Six Sigma Black Belt training, Lean Manufacturing enhancement workshops, Job Hazard Analysis training, ISO Auditor training and a few other items. Sometimes as you move along, you tend to downplay or even forget the trainings that you have attended and when you reflect and write them down, you realize the worth you bring to the table.

A second point was be aware of the contribution you make on a regular basis and keep that in mind as you carry on in your assignments. Again, it is easy to get sidetracked by tangents, but by keeping focused on your main objectives, you will be seen as an integral part of the projects you are involved in. Understand how you contribute to the success of the team and even though you may not get feedback from your peers and supervisors, they are aware of your efforts. Recognising your own contributions is an important part of attitude. If you are not getting much feedback, ask! It can be easy to think that your efforts are not being noticed, but if you ask for specific areas where you could make improvements or specific examples of successes, you may be amazed at what has been noticed.

I don’t want to make this blog entry too long, so perhaps I’ll visit the self development bulletin again sometime in the future to touch on the other five bullet points.

What is the employee incentive that gives you the most “bang for your buck?” Studies have shown time and again that bonuses and rewards programs only turn into expectations rather than remaining incentives.

The true best thing you can do is personal recognition. No money, no logo t-shirt..no kidding.

But the recognition has to be a genuine contact: a true connection. You, as a manager or supervisor need to see how someone’s behavior warrants recognition and then make a sincere compliment. People are starved for heartfelt praise. It is worth its weight and gold and will bring huge returns. Here is where some managers can run into trouble. It’s easy to be disingenuous and be seen as someone who will pat employees on the back strictly for potential return.

But genuine appreciation is seen as such and truly appreciated. Taken to a different level, you should also recognize your fortune to have employees that deserve praise and by recognizing that, your candid praise will carry more weight and morale can take off.

Sometimes something happens that you know is going to happen, someday perhaps soon,  and then when it happened,  it’s like, that’s not how I envisioned it. We get use to so many things around us; day after day there they are. Then one day . . .

Ashes came into our home as a little ball of kitten fur almost 15 years ago. Picked by our youngest out of a box full of little balls of kitten fur as a gift from a coworker Ashes was even then of particularly cute stock. She grew to be one of the most gorgeous animals I have ever seen with personality to match. She was so different in so many ways that I am not even sure she really was a cat.

Now I should add here that I am not a ‘pet guy’. I grew up with some dog around most of my life and I remember petting each from time to time but I am pretty sure I didn’t care all that much. My dad was a dog guy and I have some brothers and a sister who are as well. I just never was. Never had a cat and the guinea pig that occupied my brothers’ room and mine was nearly put to death by one of my brothers in a well intended bathing episode one night when the sitter wasn’t looking.  My dad, the dog guy, sat up all night with the shivering rodent wrapped in a blanket warming it back from the brink. I went to bed.

The animal lover (and of all things living) in our home is Toni. SHE is a dog person and a cat person and most recently a duck and goose and gila person.  In conversation with her many years  ago while talking about pets I offered the opinion that people who sleep, or eat or go to the movies with their dogs or cats or fish have ‘issues’; maybe not serial but there seems to be something there that needs to be worked out. 

Toni suggested (among a slew of other things) that I was missing the point.  The point she said, is simply that it is another heartbeat in the house. Wow. It was for me the proverbial a brick in the head; a game changing reason for their presence.  Now that heartbeat is gone.

For fifteen years Ashes played and slept at her own convenience. She slept on the boys’ bed or beneath at her discretion. She was underfoot or on the desk regardless of Toni’s activities again at her choosing. She would engage the other cat (don’t even get me started) when she felt the need and would totally rebuff the advance from the other when she did not. If my friends were to do this they wouldn’t be my friends but with Ashes it seemed somewhat regal.

Of course she was loved by the boys and spent years under the scrunching hand of the youngest. She was, however, the constant sidekick for Toni and hours would pass while on conference calls and such where Ashes was the lap appendage; sweet quiet content. When we realized she was really gone Toni’s choked gasp was, “I didn’t get to say goodbye”. That cut me deeply. And then the frantic search of the house inside and out; the neighbor’s bushes followed by a ring of the bell. Everyone was kind.

Online the word went out and friends and family offered their concern and assured her that this is what cats do when they go to die. (I am now very grateful that FaceBook was not around in the year my father passed). But knowing seeped in and increasingly throughout the day we came to accept. Tears were shed all throughout but at the end, while the sadness weighed heavy there was a certain respect and with it peace for the inner voice that spoke of death and sent the heartbeat to a quiet place to return its soul. This is what I want to do.

Now here is the rub. Between the times that I first placed my feelings here, and now, Ashes has returned. That’s right she’s here; puked and gone two days in atypical fashion to die in peace then a late night dramatic entrance. It should not have suprised me. Today she has been ‘normal‘ all day. Perhaps rehearsal for the real show but . . .

WTF?

I am told that my dad dies. I cry. He does not come back. I am told that my cat dies. I cry. She comes back. I am a dad guy not a pet guy so how does THAT happen?

In reflection it seems to happen as a reminder of the value of the heartbeat, regardless, and the fleeting nature of our presence. It is really very simple. For all our perceived power we don’t get to decide. Sometimes, in life at work in love, we get a second chance and sometimes we don’t. This time I did. We all did.

Think I’ll go curl up on the couch; if she’ll have me . . .

Jim

 jim@thepeopleacademyinc.com

www.thepeopleacademyinc.com

http://www.linkedin.com/in/jimreece

So I am sitting here doing what I do (when I sit here) and just in front of me moving quickly from left to right across the ledge is a little tiny ant. If I was sitting here doing what I do at a picnic the little thing would have gone quite unnoticed. He (I am assuming he) would have been in his natural environment (at least as defined by me).  But here’s the thing. I work from home and home and ants are antithetical. At least as defined by me.

My office sits towards the back of the house. A small room filled with windows on all three sides. It is very light and breezy and easy to keep an eye on my nosey neighbors when I feel so inclined as to return the favor. But it is on the second floor. The second floor.  How he got here is beyond me and WHY he is here is way beyond. I don’t know much about them but ants strike me as ground creatures. They live in the ground, they walk around on the ground, they eat stuff off the ground or at the very least eat stuff on my first floor kitchen floor on those occasions where invasion has been successful; but, the second floor?

I am thinking that there may be something wrong with him; a little bug psychosis. It made me a little antsy. Don’t you have to be a little crazy to stare straight up at something a thousand times taller than you and come to the conclusion that climbing it in hopes of finding something to eat is a good idea? It would be like me climbing up the outside of the Empire State Building because I had heard at some point in my past that there might be some guy with a cracker in his pocket standing on the observation deck. That is not sound thinking.

Maybe it’s not about food. Maybe he’s desperate. Maybe he’s a jumper. Maybe he stole the G4.  I opened my window and looked down the two stories expecting to see a small gathering of several dozen ants chanting “Jump! Jump!”  (Wow, they look like ants from way up here . . .).  I was all ready with the little finger flick thing (oh come on now, I couldn’t spend my entire afternoon waiting for him to make a decision) but saw nothing really and sat back down.

It then dawned on me that I really do know nothing about ants. Just a bunch of non critical observations along with some assumptions and a decayed memory of faded facts from some old 70’s Animal Kingdom television show. I was in no real position to judge the motivations (and/or instincts) of one of god’s creatures. He knew what he was doing. He saw his purpose. He was built for this and was doing it, my understandings and questions not withstanding.

How many times have we done the same with one of our own? “Why is he here”? “What was she thinking”? “Why are we doing this”? “That thinking has no place here”? “The neighborhood is changing”.  “I can’t”. Those preconceptions, generalizations and sloppy cognitive record keeping that limit each of us, whether said by us or others, discourage and in fact prevent everything that is possible on the second story ledge. Not suppose to be there! Who said so?

At work, at home and at play we need to learn more and judge less. Help others see where the possibilities are. Walk with them on Purpose. Help others reach their second story.

Jim

www.thepeopleacademyinc.com

http://www.linkedin.com/in/jimreece 

Oh sure. Look at the picture. Nice hair there sonny. I have had a lifetime of nice hair as judged from afar (and very near and close up with the senior citizens as a 16 year old bagger at Jewel). Boy, if you are not from the Midwest then that statement ‘bagger’ could make me some (R) Senator’s date. I am talking groceries here not gross-eries.

So, I have nice hair and can attribute that to nothing but genes; mainly from my mother’s side as my father’s had none; hair that is. But what happens when an attribute of compliment churns to the south? My hair, I’m told, looks good in June and September but holy s* when July and the dog days of August hit the street. Not unlike that Life magazine picture of July 1945 when we decided over Nagasaki that enough was enough.  The only real difference (except for the tens of thousands of disintegrated Japanese families) is that my hair is in color. My only real chance of hurting anyone is driving down the highway windows open hair flailing like some old feather duster on acid.

The point is that sometimes, through forces not our own, gentle natural properties become not so gentle. Qualities that are complimentary do sometimes become our own worst enemy.  As we work with those we love and those we don’t (but who pay us) remember this. The discord of humid laden hair is not a ‘fault’ it is nature’s way of calling attention to the unmanageable while sometimes rising to the unimaginable. It’s that way with personal development and it is that way with organizations too. There are natural causes underlying organizational “humid hair”; the natural state gone astray.

The answer then is to understand the nature of the humid-ic unmanageability and to plan accordingly. We are familiar with many of these forces on behavior; social issues sometimes from home, lack of proper training or, more likely, proper managing, and a lack of direction or sense of worth. Responses range from the preventative to the reactionary. While all situations cannot be predicted many more than are now could be; with some awareness.

It is only important that responses be appropriate. And they can only be appropriate if we understand. And we can only understand if we consider the other. In life and at work and with all the relationships that intertwine it is the same.

Be aware of who you are and understand the forces that move you away from that.

Jim Reece

http://www.linkedin.com/in/jimreece

jim@thepeopleacademyinc.com