And women too. In most cases when asking a question the answer comes back with the responders auto-reply switched on. Not always but more often than not. This is not to say that the reply is insincere or deceptive. It is simply, well, simple. (Unless they are on the third glass of wine in which case it is probably just stupid. Entertaining but stupid none the less). I know this as fact as I have myself answered many a question while actually searching the house for where I left my third glass . . .

In everyday conversation this simple back and forth does no harm and in some ways most likely facilitates actually getting through the day. However when the question is important (to either person) and the answer even more so then a bit more effort is required.

When the response to your first question comes vollying back a contemplative form of “why” should follow from you in return. As in “why do you feel that way?” or something of the same flavor. The response will unveil a bit more honesty but as in the proverbial onion still only dried paper-like skin. To get to real it takes two more ‘whys’.

The response to your first why should be followed with another. And to that response yet one more. And be adult about it - use it in a sentence. For you parents out there one of life’s little irritants (cute at first with a quick fade) is that period of toddler development called the “why?why?why?why?why?why?why?why?why?why?why?why?why?why?why?why?
why?why?why?why?why?why?why?wh?why?why?why?why?why?why?why?why?
why?why?why?why?why?why?why?wh?why?why?why?why?why?why?why?why?” stage. And no, you weren’t at that moment filled with pride at the level of intellectual curiosity. Even though that’s the way you told the story.

‘Whys’ are respectful and allow for the opportunity to get more thoughtful. Again the first level response is not shallow it is just simple. We are built for speed and getting to ‘next’. Our minds grab responses from the thoughts floating on the surface. But meaning is built from thoughts just below and it takes a couple of whys to form the connections that allow the respondent to finally say, “Oh yea. I guess that’s why. I hadn’t thought about it that way. Thanks.”

It takes a little more time but then meaningful often does.

Jim

http://www.linkedin.com/in/jimreece